I was born roughly 22 yrs ago in Ohio, USA. I grew up in a Christian home and have loved Jesus ever since I can remember! I was always fascinated by the stories of the bible and especially with the miracles performed by Jesus and others. However, like everyone on this planet, the Devil hated my love for Jesus and Jesus' love for me. So also, since I can remember I struggled with nightmares and sexual sin. And I know what you may be thinking, well Julia, you were probably exposed by someone at a young age to sex, but no. I have never been assaulted. Never seen sex at that age, nothing. There was no reason that I should've been thinking about it. And it wouldn't be till I was a little older that I would feel the effect of that sin, and besides a nightmare every once in a while, I had a very pleasant childhood!

Then when I was 8, we moved to Colorado so my parents could go to a bible college there. Oh, and btw I have an older sister and younger brother. While we were there my sexual curiosity was met with an answer from the enemy, Porn. I was about 9 yrs old when I saw it for the first time. Many kids are much younger nowadays. I am sad to admit that I was hooked, and the level of perversion of the type of porn I saw only grew and grew until I began to give into my desires. Now the sin that was committed isn't the important part, it's what happened after that is. 

We moved back after about 4 yrs to Ohio and by that time I was 12. I have also been homeschooled most of my life. I was very depressed even though I was too young to understand that word fully and often thought about harming myself. I used many things to cope, food, music, friends, TV, events to look forward to. But nothing took the pain away. And as I got older my habits only intensified. Then my junior year of Highschool, Covid hit. So naturally I got a job that fall, working at a local Wendy's. I loved working there, I had something that I was good at and could pour into, and Covid was so boring! lol

While there I just became more like the world, but I still prayed all the time! I was always asking Jesus to change me, to help me. But it wouldn't be until March of my senior year that I would truly give my whole life to Jesus.

See, I knew I had been saved since the age of like 4, but honestly, what good did that do me here on earth? I was still depressed and suffering like the rest of the world. That's why I wanted to die, I believed I would go to heaven, so I just wanted the pain to stop. But I know now that was the enemy, telling me I can't be happy here on earth. Because he wants us dead. If you're unsaved and going to hell he wants you in hell before you can change your mind and choose Christ. But if you're saved, he STILL WANTS YOU DEAD! Because, if he can kill you before you realize who you really are, then you'll still go to heaven, but you won't take anyone with you...

So, backtracking to January of my senior year, I had a night with God after work, and I don't remember what brought it on, but I remember telling God. "God... I give you EVERYTHING." And I did give him everything, I sat on my bed crying for an hour giving Him everything I could think of. From my job to my family, to my nightmares and dreams, to my view of how I see my body, to my judgement of others, to my future husband, to my past fears, to my future hopes, literally anything I could think of. And guess what happened the next day? Nothing.

Literally nothing changed, but that didn't mean that God wasn't doing something. In John 5:17 Jesus says “My Father is always working, and so am I.” So, I know that those prayers I prayed made all the difference just a couple months later. And that God was working in my heart the whole time, my whole life in fact!

So, 2 months later I came home on a random Tuesday from work and lied down on my bed and started watching YouTube. I was definitely watching stuff that doesn't matter like makeup videos or Love Island. But then a video of a street evangelist came up and for some reason I clicked on it. After that I just kept going, watching videos of people getting saved or healed or delivered demons out of them! And I did something that I'd never done before, I watched a sermon by Todd White. It was almost 3 hours, and I watched the whole thing. 

My soul had never been so deeply touched in my entire life. God met me that night and showed me the truth...I belong to Him. For the first time since I could remember, I felt whole. And yet I was broken because in those 3 hours I became truly aware of my sin. I couldn't believe how much Jesus loves me in spite of my sin towards him!

And let's be honest, my parents went to BIBLE COLLEGE, I had been hearing the truth about Jesus my whole life! But I believe now that I just wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to give up my pain, and guilt, and shame, and fear. 

Sometimes, suffering feels good because you don't have to admit that it was your fault.

But at the same time, I didn't feel judged by God at all! because I realized that God didn't just blame me. He forgave me. And He had made me a promise. in James 4:8 it says, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded." see, it says if I draw near to God he will draw near to me, that's a promise!

But when I asked God, "Am I a sinner like that verse says?"

He told me "No." 

Because, I had already been saved. the word also says that "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." 

I knew I was saved, that doesn't mean that I don't sin, but it means that my identity, my true identity, God doesn't see me as a sinner anymore! that's why that verse says, "you double-minded" It's referring to Christians who are saved but believing and acting like the world. One foot in, and one foot out. Which was me... So, I asked Him, "How do you see me then, who am I to you?"

And since then, He has told me many things about my identity. I am His Daughter, Bride, friend, treasure, princess, warrior, masterpiece, and so much more. But what sums it all up and is my entire identity now...

I AM HIS.